Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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