He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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