she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude i'm inner monologue high
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
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I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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