Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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