its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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