i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
