All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
