this just has baby written all over it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
