i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
