Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
