rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie