i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
my liver is dry heaving
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.