I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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