I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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