why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
