Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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