i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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