: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize