Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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