i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
