What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
