you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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