ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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