Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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