I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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