Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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