Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
