He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
