I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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