I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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