He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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