stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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