Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he fucked my hip out of place.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
