after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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