just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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