meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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