Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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