I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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