I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
