no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
