im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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