if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
