That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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