You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
