Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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