babies were throwing up all over the place
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
