I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
