Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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