I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
