Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
