peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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