ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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