Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
