PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
