Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need to calm my uterus...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
