you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
