I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
