you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
