He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
