I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
