You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
