apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
