I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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